“I Want A Man.”

My wife arrived in town two nights ago, my daughter in tow, and due to the layout of our hotel suite, privacy has not been the problem I thought it was. Nice separate rooms, soundproofing, and an early bedtime have meant that we’ve gotten to play Mistress and slave a couple of times without having to risk exposures.

And play we have, albeit with some serious discussions sprinkled throughout. My wife has taken total control this trip — she’s the final arbiter of where we go, what we do, how I do everything from get showered to go to work. This is probably as close to a preview of what a total exchange of power would be like as I’m going to get. And she’s clearly happy with it.

And the thing is…

One Year.

I just realized it’s been one year since I told my wife I was submissive, and today is the six-month anniversary of the time she let me be submissive in bed, and the five-month anniversary of the first time she dominated me.

Five-months. We’ve been doing this long-distance BDSM exploration, this revelation of our dark sides — this reveling in our dark sides — for five beautiful months.

And I can safely say, I’m where I want to be. I’m who I want to be. I feel like we’re still growing, still learning, but that I’m capable of saying, “Hey, this is who I am. I’m not just experimenting any more, not just getting my feet wet. BDSM is now part of my life. Barring unforeseen circumstances, it’s not going anywhere.”

More to the point, I can say this:

Sustainability

Yesterday’s post about the effect my wife talking has on me — and how I love for her to talk to me during a scene, and want more, more, more — got me thinking again about how if I was a “real” sub like some of these men I read about, I would just accept her for how she likes to run a scene. I would accept the fact that she doesn’t like talking a lot, and then roll with it. Because she gets to make the rules. I shouldn’t pressure her.

And I’m going to say that just doesn’t work for us.

24/7?

My wife today suggested that when we start living together again, we should go to 24/7 domination and submission.  Not in so many words — she’s doesn’t read blogs or hang out with other people into the lifestyle she doesn’t know the language.  But, this is what she said today:  “Sometimes I feel like we’re off-kilter. Sometimes I feel completely in control and sometimes I feel a lack of control. I need to have all of the control…all of the time. Is that bad?”