Facing Up To It

The switch is over. She’s back to being my Mistress, and I’m back in my place at her feet. I’m back under her boot-heel. We’re back where we belong.

Boring real life impacting BDSM stuff ahead after the break.

Our life has been tumultuous of late, and I’ll spare you the boring, real life details, but it comes down to this: I have a job opportunity down here that could lead to big things. And I want it, and my wife has encouraged me — hell, she pushed me to try for it. But it would mean her moving down here, it would mean her moving away from what amounts to “home” for her. Her family. Our friends. Everything she’s ever known. She’d be down here for years, at least.

And the discord between what she wants in her heart, and what she wants for me, has made her confront a wall inside her: she doesn’t like to make decisions. She doesn’t want to make a bad call and face failure. She doesn’t want to put herself first and risk me having regrets and laying them on her. There’s the paradox — she can handle so much power in the bedroom, but the idea of stepping up to make her own needs and wants known in the real world — forget giving them primacy, just putting them on an equal footing with anyone else’s in her life — scares her to death.

And that fear, that discord, that paradox, it makes her want to step back, to give up all power, forcing someone else — in this case, me — to make the decisions. In the bedroom, in real life, she wants to give up the power and avoid the risk of failure or regret by putting it in someone else’s hands. And that’s where the switching comes from — she gives me sexual power, then she gives me power over our real lives, and she steps back and lets someone else take the risk, lets the decision be on them. The switch has been an expression of her own fear and self-doubt.

When I look back on moments where she wanted to switch, they were all moments where real life was pushing her to make a hard decision. When life pushes her to risk failure, to risk having the weight of that decision rest on her shoulders, she pulls inward. The sexual submission is a manifestation of her insecurity, her fear, her desire to simply give up control for fear of being wrong.

But she doesn’t have to carry that weight alone. I mean, screw the Mistress-slave relationship — we make decisions together. We’re a family. Husband and wife.

But…today she had to face up to the fact that if she left the power in my hands, she was going to be unhappy. Miserable. And she stepped up for the first time in our 12-year marriage and she told me, flat-out, she can’t do the move. It’s not right for her. And after long discussion, I just told her: You have to step up. You have to tell me the hard truth. You can’t dodge this bullet, or you’re going to be unhappy. Sometimes, you have to take the reins and say, “I need this.”

“Tell me what you want,” I said.

“I want you to come home,” she said.

And so I’m coming home.

And without the need to be scared, without the need to fear me hating her for for wanting something for her own reasons — for needing a specific outcome — she doesn’t need to submit. Because she’s not a sub. That’s not who she is in the bedroom anymore than it’s who she is in the real world. There’s no need to pretend anymore.

I think if we switch again — and I think we will — it will be different next time. But for now, I strongly suspect we’re back to normal — or at least what passes for normal in a BDSM Mistress/slave relationship where one party sodomizes the other with an 8″ dildo and drinks his blood between flogging sessions.