Romance Among the Kinky.

My wife called today. She’s got an employee who is…underachieving. Dropping the ball. And she’s upset. She called me, wanting to vent about her day, tell me about what happened, and talk about how she handled it — but it’s clear she handled it reasonably and professionally. The model of professionalism.

And somewhere in the middle of the conversation, she said, “I have to admit something to you, and I feel bad about it.”

I said, “Go ahead, sweetie.”

“Is it sick and wrong…”

“What?”

“…if I told you that I wanted to take all of my anger and frustration at this guy and just take it out on you Saturday night during our scene?”

I felt my stomach tighten and my heart start fluttering. I couldn’t say anything at first.

“I…I think that would be great.” I finally managed to say.

“Really? It’s not like I want to say his name or pretend you’re him, I just have all this anger and aggravation, and I find myself wanting to focus it on you during the scene. To beat your ass so hard…”

I was jittery. My chest had butterflies. I said, “I think that would make me very happy. To help you like that. I think it’s maybe the most incredible thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“So you’ll let me?”

“Yes. Please. Yes.”

“It’s weird,” she said. “Like, when you’re stressed, you want to give up control and be annihilated. And when I’m stressed, I want to have complete and utter control of something. To focus on it and have it focused on me.”

“I want that.” I choked. “I want to be that for you.”

And then we talked about something else for a while, but can I tell you, that was the most romantic thing I can imagine — not the whole nonsense with her problem employee, but the idea that she was upset and wound up and stressed, and she needs somebody to suffer for her. And I’m that person. She needs someone to adore her and worship her and be hurt by her — hurt so badly — and I cannot imagine anything cooler. Anything more lovely, than to be her punching bag. Her outlet. So she can be free of whatever’s bothering her.

This is what romance is now like for us. “Will you let me hit you so I can feel better?” “Oh, yes.”

Oh, yes. The things I do for love.