I’m strong. I can take a beating. I can take her humiliation. When I’m not in bed, and we’re in our Other Lives, and she’s not the Wicked Queen and I’m not the loyal slave, I’m strong and driven and successful and a good father and a perfect husband.
But…when it’s her and me alone, and she talks about denying me, I’m not strong. I’m weak and submissive and needy and she has every single iota of power. I would do anything to please her and get her to reward me. I can’t fucking help it. I’m powerless in the face of this need.
I know she has her reasons for denying me this trip, if she decides to — a lack of privacy, a lack of people we trust enough to leave our daughter with. It may be we don’t get a single moment alone, or we may be lucky enough to have a single evening by ourselves.
But she makes me weak. And needy. And no one has ever done that to me before in my life.
February 6, 2008 at 8:52 pm
That is fucking intense.
February 6, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Yeah, it kind of is. Today we were both stressed out, I daresay even a little depressed and overwhelmed, and she asked me to run some errands in preparation for the upcoming trip. I asked her to order me.
And she did, and it was *bling* both of us got this instant rush, this instant happy-feeling from taking our roles. It’s crazy how much of an affect it has on us. Maybe it’s just the honeymoon period, but…it’s nice.