Knowing Your Place

New Year’s Eve, my wife and I got a babysitter for our daughter, and planned on spending the afternoon and night at home finally having a full-fledged male dominant scene. I was excited — this trip, things have just seemed “off.” If I was going to be honest about why they seemed off, I’d have to lay it at the feet of my wife’s desire to switch.

Now, don’t get me wrong — I was excited about the idea of switching. I was nervous, I was worried I was going to blow it, but the idea of being dominant was intriguing, in a kind of “high school boy’s sex slave fantasy” way. I mean, there’s this woman, and within certain proscribed limits she does what I want. Do I want her to dress up in a naughty outfit? Do I want her to beg me to do awful things to her? Do I want to spank and hit her? Do I want her to get down on her knees and pay homage? She can do all of those things.

But my wife — not so excited. She said she was excited, and a couple of our abbreviated scenes had been hot, but when I tried to figure out what she wanted, when I tried to talk to her about it, I got sarcasm at best, and apathy at worst. At first, I chalked this up to her being “insolent” as part of her play, but I have to admit to getting really frustrated as she dragged her feet and moped about as the scene got closer. If anything, she got more withdrawn as our moment got nearer.

Here’s the thing — I’m too new at this to really comment broadly on other people’s scenes, but there’s an exchange of energy when my wife and I play with me as submissive and her as Mistress. She feeds off of me, I feed off of her, and in the process there’s this “connection.” And while when my wife and I play with me as dominant, there’s an exchange, but it’s not reliable, it’s not back and forth, and it’s not this bright, white-hot explosion for me….

But I figured out what I wanted my wife to do, and when we got home after dropping our daughter off with her grandparents, we got to playing. I collared my wife, had her get on her knees, walked her around on a leash, made out with her, really tried to get into being “dominant.” And I was having a good time. But there was none of that “energy” coming off my wife. She seemed content, she seemed slightly aroused, but Femdom with us is like an atom-bomb going off in our libidos, and if I can be honest, this male domination scene was probably less exciting than even vanilla sex for us.

There’s an obnoxious phrase — a dead fuck — and if I can be honest, my wife was a dead sub. I was pouring — or attempting to pour — energy and presence into this scene, and she was just soaking it up, giving nothing back.

She’d given me permission for light S&M when we’d laid out our boundaries, and so I decided to take it out for a spin. I told her to tell me after each blow landed where it was on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the maximum, and 1 not hurting at all. I got out the flogger and the belt. And with a couple exceptions, I kept all the blows between 2 and 4, and while her ass was pinking up nicely, if it was possible for someone to become even more withdrawn, to soak up even more energy, it was her. After a couple of minutes, I said, “So, we’ve tried S&M with you as the recipient, how do you feel?”

She said frankly, “It does nothing for me. I hate it.” Her voice was full of misery and she kept her face away from me.

I have to admit to feeling kind of down about this. When we mess around in femdom, she loves to make me slap her breasts or spank her, and honestly, I do far worse to her at those times then I did here. She gets off on it in that context, but here, not only did it do nothing for her, but she was dry as a desert where it counted. I was at a loss. She turned to face me, and there were tear-tracks — not a lot, but a couple — down her face. I felt miserable. What little energy I had left was just gone, sucked away.

I said, “Well, would you like to hit me a couple times, and figure out what you might like?”

And she got up, and we traded places, and she got the flogger out, and she struck me right on the ass. And then again. And then again. “Do you like that?,” she asked.

“You know I do,” I said, feeling a bit weird about liking it after she told me how much she hated it.

“How on earth can you like that?”

“I don’t know.” I said. “I just do.” I turned over, and she could see that I was covered in precome and was hard as a rock.

“Turn around.” I heard her rifle through the toychest, and then she ordered me to turn around again and face her. I felt my collar being slipped over my head. “You know what, slave?”

“What?” I asked, pleased to hear my title being used again, pleased to feel the room fill up with that energy that’s been missing.

“The first time I hit you again — gush.” She said. She made me feel her, and she was sopping. I started to wipe some of it off my hand, and she made me eat it. “You don’t waste that,” she said. “That’s mine, it’s special, you never fucking waste that.”

I smiled. “Welcome back, Mistress.”

“It’s good to be back. What the hell was I thinking?”

And after a beautiful scene involving the belt, the flogger, clamps, clothespins, sex, numerous plays at oral sex, blows to my face, hair pulling, name calling, and pegging, we talked about it. And the best I can get out of her is that she loved the “idea” of switching. She loved the thought of giving up control, and she didn’t even mind it in a couple of our scenes when I was really on. And she tried her best to like it — she wanted to like it. But really, it’s not how she’s wired. “I get off on hurting you, not on being hurt. I get off on commanding, not being commanded. I get off on dominating, not submitting. I thought I could pull it off, but…”

“It’s okay.” I said. “I enjoyed it while it lasted.”

She asked, “Did I ruin it for you? Am I crazy? Do you think people would think I’m nuts for veering from one extreme to the next and not knowing what I wanted?”

“Honey, we’ve been doing this for five months. I mean, we’re still finding our footing. I’ve known I was a sub on some level since before I hit puberty, and even then, I got off on being dominant for you. There’s wiggle room. But the situation seems to be that you’re my Mistress and I’m your slave and it works for us that way.”

And things have been good ever since. I caught a flu bug, so we haven’t played since New Years, but the electricity is back, and I think we’ve got at least one more great scene in us before I have to head back down south when my vacation ends.

Plus, you know, she just discovered pinching my genitals. And it hurts and it’s hot and I think there’s limitless potential there.

Happy New Year, everybody.