The Switch That Was

(For a bit of history, see The Switch That Wasn’t.)

So, we did it.

I’m still kind of reeling, because you wouldn’t think the simple act of switching from submissive to dominant — and vice-versa — would upset the apple-cart so much. But it has. Not in a bad way, but in a new, I-have-no-idea-what’s-going-on way…

It was Saturday, and we were both stressed, and she was living in her head, and I was living in mine, and we were trying to clean the house and watch our daughter, and deal with my mother-in-law, who was losing her damn mind, and my wife’s sister, who was insisting that the decades-long tradition of breakfast at my wife’s parents be switched to breakfast at her house. My wife and I had time for a couple of scenes last week, but we’ve been off, as I’ve written about a bit here. And the stress was mounting, and our daughter was asleep, and I suggested to my wife that we sneak off and just make out.

And she blew me off. And she’s been blowing me off all last week, and the more she blows me off, the more I feel powerless, and not in the good, loved kind of way that makes my toes curl and my head swim, but in the “Back the fuck off, you don’t matter right now” way. And I hate feeling like I don’t matter. So I went back to the bedroom and decided to get my head together, and after a few moment she walked in and apologized.

And I looked her in the eyes, and I kissed her full on the lips, and as we made out, I put my hand to the back of her head and started pulling on her hair until she looked me in the eyes a little fearfully. I said, “This situation would work out better if I was the dominant and you were the submissive. If I just took charge.”

And her voice got low and a little nervous, and she said, “I think…I think you’re right.”

“So you want to be my slave?”

“Yes.”

“Yes…?”

“Yes…master?”

And we went back to making out, and it was hot and wet and wonderful. I told her to do things and…well, she did them. And she begged me, and I teased her, and it was so strange to be in control like that — in control of her pleasure, and mine. And then our daughter woke up and we had to put ourselves together to make us presentable and get her out of the other room and to the dinner table, but I took my wife by the hand, and kissed it, and said, “Was that hot?”

And she said, “That was really hot. As hot as dominating you. Maybe hotter, because there’s so much going on right now, with Christmas and my family and…taking control during sex is not what I want. I want to be taken, to be controlled, to be dominated.”

And… I wanted to do it to her. Dominating her did not hit the part of me that being dominated does. I mean, when I’m being dominated, it’s like my soul is having an orgasm. But dominating her was fun, and very compelling — our brief little moment of me-Dom/her-sub made me want more.

So that night we went out late-night shopping, and I bought her this wonderful black leather dog collar, thick, with a nice d-ring, and when we got home we did a scene. Me as dom. Her as sub. And she had a great orgasm at the end and then I had her get on her knees and service me and it was fantastic. It was abbreviated, it was quiet, it was not everything I would have wanted, but for a first time as dominant, I think it went well.

Except now, everything’s topsy-turvy. Because we’ve talked about it, and she wants to sub out to me for a while, but I want to sub out to her, and now we’ve got to figure out who’s going to do what, when. And while my wife is a true switch, and seems to get off equally on being submissive and dominant, I enjoy being dominant, but it pales in comparison to my immense urge to submit and be dominated. But I don’t want to say “no” to her — she’s given me five months of incredible sex and pain and domination, I feel like I can definitely give this a try. And who knows? Maybe I’ll learn to love it a little more.

Another wrinkle we discovered while doing our two scenes with me as dominant, though, is that my wife is not a masochist. She does not like pain play if she’s in the role of recipient. And part of the fun for me — or at least, part of the fun I imagine I’d have — as dominant is going to be getting her tied up, clamped, and smacking the hell out of her with the flogger. On the other hand, she’s incredibly vulnerable to T&D — and T&D doesn’t work on me at all. So there’s one area we haven’t explored that’s suddenly opened up.

It’s a lot of pitfalls, a lot of minefields, but a lot of potential fun, if I can just figure out how to manage it. But it’s like things got weird between us over the last few weeks, and switching has made her happier and recovered our momentum, even if it’s thrown my balance off even more.

I just have no idea what I’m doing — and I think part of the problem is that my entire mental contextualization of BDSM over the last year has been femdom/malesub. Part of me wonders if maledom/femdom acts are supposed to be the same — I mean, do I do to her what I want done to me? Is there some trick? I want this to be good for her — and heck, good for me — but I’m a little lost as to what it is I need to do to really fulfill her needs here, because she’s been quite clear that for right now — she wants to submit and wants me to be dominant.