Broken In A Different Way

I’m a little frustrated with the sex life.

Our dirty little rendezvous over the last few months have been fulfilling. We usually alone for a weekend, in a hotel, and we take the time to have her beat the shit out of me and dominate me. It’s nice. It’s fun. We’re playing most of the weekend. Even when our kid’s around, we can cut off time while she’s napping or in bed….

Not so around the holidays. Her parents are always around the house, or her sister, or… My Mistress is working while I’m on vacation, which means I’m bored and horny and the time we get tends to be in the middle of the day, sandwiched into a lunch hour — and nothing kills a scene for me like a mental countdown reeling off in both of our heads that if we spend “X” time on beating me and D/s, that leaves “Y” time for a pegging, and “Z” time for sex, and then whatever’s left over for me to go down on her until she orgasms. And nothing’s more conducive to an orgasm like the countdown from the show “24″ going off in your head…

The other night, we had time to ourselves, and we decided to try out the feeldoe. Now, my wife just got a new bed a while ago, and it’s wonderful and comfy and I love sleeping on it, but it’s about a foot higher than the old bed. Which means I can’t just lay on it and have her peg me anymore, I have to bend my knees like a ballet dancer and then lower my ass and it’s just…awkward. It’s not as easy for her to get a good rhythm going, and I don’t feel it in my prostate like I used to. And while we can handle pegging me like that, the feeldoe involves a whole new logistical element of how it angles into her, so after about a half hour, we just wrote the whole thing off. But that half hour — well, her parents called and the baby woke up, and that was a half hour we don’t get back.

And today, we had a great scene. Man, she hit me in places I’ve never been hit before, really cracked me with the crop, in the shoulders, on the face, and her usual “tapping” with the riding crop and flogger on my balls blossomed into full-fledged CBT today. (I cannot tell you why having my cock and balls hit turns me on. There is no reason for it. The other day, she hit me softly in the balls a few times, then smacked the hell out of the shaft of my cock. When she did it, precome just spattered the leather of her crop, and she says it was the hottest thing she’s ever seen. Then she made me lick it off the crop. There’s clearly something hot there, I just can’t put it into words.)

There was even one point, where she was on her back and lying on the bed, and I was standing and having sex with her, and she just lay there smiling as she hit my face, my sides, my stomach, and then began to just rain blows down on my nipples with the crop.

But the problem is still, I’m not getting “there,” to that point where I stop thinking about all of the extraneous shit in our lives, the point where my brain turns off and I’m completely just in-the-moment. And I know she’s not getting there either. And I realize that she and I are so new at this, we just have no clue how to deal with things like real-life intruding in on our BDSM, crowding the fun out until we’re rushing through it. And BDSM is not vanilla sex, we can’t just get me hard and get her wet and pound away until an orgasm happens for us. There’s more to it than that — our domination, our pain-play, all of it creates this kind of environment where I’m nothing and she’s everything and I exist solely to please and obey, and she exists just to have her every whim met, even if it means I hurt and plead and cry.

So…I don’t know what to do. I’m sure we’ll work it out, but…it’s just strange. The pain is still fun, the pegging was good, but…I think we both want more and don’t know how to get there.