Whiny Bitchy Submissive Complaints

I’ve been working my ass off for two weeks, and it looks like I’m still going to have to take work home with me when I see my wife and kid. My daughter has pink-eye, and now — as fate would have it — my wife is coming down with laryngitis and not feeling good. Sounds like the flu, which is to be expected, given her job and the presence of a three-year old in the house.

Stress + Looking for Release - Wife Being Healthy = Me, Frustrated as Hell…

What gets me is how much I need this. How much I’ve been craving her control over me, her dishing out pain in enormous doses. Her using the new feeldoe. Did I mention pain? I want pain. I want (for her to have) control. I want, for lack of a better way to put it, to disappear underneath her power.

It’s like having a gift under the tree, but your parents telling you you’ll have to wait until the 27th to open them. I’ve focused all my sexual energy on her, all my urges, and…it’s just not going to happen, probably.

I don’t just want it, I need it. And…I’m not going to get it.

Which is okay. It’s her call. She has the power. But…I am just so wound up and tense and needy and frustrated. Bitchy, pissy, frustrated.

She is a drug. And I’ve been able to wait for her, but now that she’ll be in my reach, to not be able to be her slave, her victim, her subject, her pet…? It’s fucking maddening.

I have never wanted anything more in my life than her, tonight, her cruelty and dominance and sex.

Right now, I don’t feel very submissive. Right now, I feel very aggressive and out of control and frustrated. And then another part is pissed off at myself — she can’t control being sick. But I kind of pinned all my hopes on our stay in the hotel tonight, and it got me through two of the most stressful weeks of my life, and for it not to pan out is nothing short of…a letdown.

I’m not mad at her — I could never be mad at her, not when the her in my mind is the dominant-her — but I’m pissed at the situation.

Sorry to vent. I think I’m going to go for a walk or something.